Hello there!

First and foremost, I deeply apologize for the lateness of my comments. I shall not offer explanations or excuses and simply get down to the business of critiquing.

You've certainly set an intriguing scene with these two. I admit I'm a bit concerned that it might cross the line of what DA considers appropriate with the references to orgasm. That said, I think you've certainly done a wonderful job with the emotion of the scene, though there are a few typos, as well some minor syntax changes that might help to capture the emotion even more. Please understand that what follows are merely suggestions and you are welcome to ignore those with which you don't agree.

For example, there's a bit of repetition in this sentence:

Watery light from the lanterns left outside to ward off the darkness could be seen through the blinds of room almost unaffected by the end of the world going on outside.

The first thing I'd recommend is adding either “a” or “the” in front of “room”. With respect to the repetition, you might consider possibly changing the second “outside” to “beyond its walls” or something to that effect. Besides just eliminating the repetitive sound, it also adds contrast by giving the reader the ubiquitous “outside” as a broad and general term, then following that up with a restrictive reference to the room's physical dimensions. It brings us into the room, which works well with the scene you've set in the following paragraph.

Likewise, you might consider making a few changes to this sentence:

"I'm going to break you", he promised and wandered over her skin, the nails leaving weak trails behind until he reached the end of her skin.

While I think this may just be an American thing, the comma is generally included inside the quotation:

“I'm going to break you,” he promised

It's a very minor thing, really, and it may just be an American expectation in writing. The main concern I have is the repetition, and the idea of reaching “the end” of her skin. I'm not entirely sure what's meant by that. It might be worth considering eliminating the end of the sentence, after until, so that it read:

“I'm going to break you,” he promised as he let his fingers wander over her flesh, his nails leaving weak trails behind.

It gives a more tantalizing feeling to the moment. Using the word “flesh” instead of “skin” provokes a reaction, especially in Western readers. In America, we see commercials for skin care soaps and lotions that use the word “skin”, but the word “flesh” is reserved for the naughty things, the illicit and dark things. It's often paired with the word “naked”, so using the word “flesh” on its own even conjures the image of nudity, which coincides well with the scene you've set.

“He knew how to handle her, it was like playing a complex instrument.” I'd recommend changing the comma in this sentence to a dash or a semicolon. With the comma, it's a run-on sentence; with a semicolon, it becomes two related concepts spliced together. With the dash it becomes an explanation as well as a comparison, and a subtle reflection of how he views women – or at least this woman.

“What made her wanting him to stop was only her mind, afraid of losing control entirely.” - Wanting should be “want”, but you might consider changing the sentence entirely to something a bit more direct:

Only fear of losing control entirely made her want him to stop.

The more active voice indicates that she has a bit more control than what the scene might otherwise indicate, which is the truth in any Dom/sub relationship. The sub has the control; they have the safe word, they have the ability to make it all stop with a whisper.

“Sweat glistened on her skin and she shivered slightly under his touch. There was no strength left in her muscles, no resistance or other response to his touch.” - The repetition with the phrase “his touch” is a bit off-putting. I realize that you're trying to convey the physical contact, so rather than remove one of them (which would be an acceptable solution to the issue of repetition), you might consider changing one of them.

Sweat glistened on her skin and she shivered slightly as his fingers played with the moisture. There was no strength left in her muscles, no resistance or other response to his touch.

It maintains the sensory response on the part of the reader and adds an element by describing his actions with more than just “touch”.

“She was unable to raise the lids entirely, so she looked up at him from between half-closed eyes.” - While there's nothing actually wrong with this sentence at all, it reads a bit awkwardly. Given the scene you've written, it's certainly something to avoid (no one likes that awkward “moment after” ), so you might consider a bit of restructuring:

Unable to completely open her eyes, she looked up at him through half-closed lids.

By switching around the words, you keep the message and eliminate the syntax that might cause a reader to stumble and jar them out of the story.

“He reached out for her face and stroked her cheeks softly. A weak, thankful smile answered him. She was glowing, but it was not the red of exhaustion. It was an inner light shining through her skin.” - There are a couple of changes I'd recommend in these sentences. While it may seem cliché, a sentence such as

He cradled her cheek in his palm, his thumb softly brushing over her heated flesh.

wouldn't be out of place and would eliminate a bit of the somewhat stilted tone of the first sentence. It also helps lead into the second, as using the word “flesh” alludes to the encounter while the tone speaks to the end of their tryst. Another change I'd recommend is to make the third sentence active voice instead of passive. While it may be more comfortable at times to write in passive voice, it doesn't engage the reader as fully, so it's something you might want to keep in mind when proof-reading your work to make changes. In this case,

She glowed beneath him, but not with the red of exhaustion.

It's more direct, yes, but in being so, it keeps the reader's attention more completely, allowing them to settle just as she is doing. And following it up with

Instead, an inner light illuminated her, shining through her skin.

cements the other-worldly feeling that you introduced with the reference to “her true self” and “the otherworldly glance”.

The typos (and a few bits of syntax) that I would strongly recommend changing as they affect the reader's perception of the story are as follows:

“the smoke raising” - raising should be rising

“bound her wrist and ankles” - I assume wrist should be plural, unless she only has one arm?

“He placed the cigarette in the ashtray again before reaching into his pocket and pulled forth a matchbox.” - pulled should be pulling, since it follows before and a present participle. You might consider, though, breaking apart the sentence into two:

He placed the cigarette in the ashtray again. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled forth a matchbox.

I don't know that I'd use the word “forth” - though that's entirely a personal preference – simply because it detracts a bit from the “smoky backroom” feeling of the scene. It's a bit jarring with respect to the atmosphere and the modern feel of the scene.

“closer to hears” - hears should be hers

“he knew it would be going to drown out the storm outside” - I would eliminate “be going to” so that it reads

Without the gag, he knew it would drown out the storm outside, but forcing her to remain silent only made it sweeter.

(you have sweater instead of sweeter, though)

“He knew she was enjoying It.” - I would recommend against capitalizing “it” since it hasn't been capitalized previously during their interaction.

“Her muted pleas and cries increased and he knew they werde Headline for that one important point.” - they werde Headline should be “they were heading”.

“It was the grand final of his art.” - final should be “finale”

“and nearly gently he removed” - I would remove “nearly”, and possibly reorder the words so that is reads and he gently removed

“otherworldly glance of someone” - it's not really a typo, but I think glance should be “gaze”

“He leaned back to take in the result of his doing.” - I would recommend changing doing to “actions”

“this woman who he loved so dearly.” - who should be “whom”

“how much He loved her,” - I wouldn't capitalize “he” here since it's in the middle of a sentence. Generally, capitalization within a sentence of common pronouns is reserved for royalty or deity, and while it would be fine if either were the reason, it's the only time this is done within the story, so I'd certainly not start that practice at the end of the tale.

One thing that I find absolutely intriguing is that we're never given his name. Hers, yes, as a matter of course at the end of the tale. But his is a mystery to us as readers of this story, a hidden thing that we can't uncover, almost as though he is shrouded in the smoke from his cigarette or using the darkness of the room and the night as a cloak. It's a nice and subtle correlation.

I know this seems like a lot, but most of it is simply minor issues with misspellings or word changes. I try to explain the reason why when recommending a different word choice, so please don't take the length of this comment to mean anything other than that I thoroughly enjoyed the story and I definitely see its potential to be a terrific work of art. Nothing I've said has been meant to offend in any way, but I know that seeing such a lengthy comment can often be daunting. I hope that you find it to be helpful, though, and I truly hope you keep writing. You've definitely a great deal of skill. Thanks so much for sharing, and I'm sorry again for the delay in leaving this critique.