73. I. Can't.

You told me to rejoice and not to grieve.
You would ascend, that's what you did believe.
I tried not to show the sun the tears I cried
So you would not see them, too. I really tried.
I cannot rejoice now that you are gone.
I can't write you a happy poem nor a song,
Especially not in the language that you spoke.
I can't fulfil your last wish for one last joke.
But neither must I not turn this wish down,
So I might paint myself the smile of a clown.
Because I cannot shut down grief and tears,
At least not for now, maybe in a few years.
Would you wait for me to do what you asked for?
Would my inability make you feel sore?
I'm so very sorry that I just can't do
What you twice asked and wished of me to do.
But I can't, no matter how hard I try
And in the end I always weep and cry...